FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
