He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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