the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
