Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
