In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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