I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
