I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
