hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
