Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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