can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
