Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
