HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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