I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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