I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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