Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
