I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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