Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
