He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
