I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
