look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
