i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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