Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
