I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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