Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
