Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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