Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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