it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
