She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
