i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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