i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
