Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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