I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
