That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
