Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
