I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Drunk is not a location!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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