It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
