the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
