the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
