Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
