Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She told me I should be a condom model.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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