Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
its liver damage thursday
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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