I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
