Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I touched a dick in church today
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
