The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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