Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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