So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
