So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
