Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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