How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
