You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
