i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
