she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
