I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
