he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
