Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
