do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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