I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
