He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She told me I should be a condom model.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
