If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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