Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
