so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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