So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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