in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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