just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize