oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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