I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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