you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's shark week go big or go home
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize