Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
